A Pack-Rat of People

I consider myself a pack-rat, not when it comes to my house or my things, but in fact when it comes to people. I am a keeper of people, I never let them simply be someone I knew once when I was six and we played games and watched full house together. No I choose to make them all people I know, worry about, think about, and I bring up every now and again. Whether it be out of love, out of respect, out or jealousy or out of fear, I keep them there, close to my heart, affecting me, reminding me of exactly where I have been and what I have done, good or bad. This has caused me to constantly compare who I am right now to these ever present memories of who I have been.

I recently started to better understand the relationships in my life. Understanding both the divinity and intricacy of everyone who surrounds me. What I discovered in that they are all gifts. Every single one of them. A hard headed boss, a cheating boyfriend, an untrustworthy friend are as much my gifts as my beautiful mother, my goddaughter and my best friend. They are doing exactly what I need. They are teaching me, challenging me, loving me, trusting me and pushing me to a place I never thought I could go. And it is through that connection, that divine order in time that we share stories, make memories, exchange messages and go on. In the past this is where I get confused, I get the message, the memory and I hear the stories, but I forget to let go.

I fear that by letting go of these people I am also letting go a part of me. I know that I cannot hold onto memories forever, I will not always remember how something smelled, or tasted, the way someone’s face looked or hands felt. I have to be reminded that it is ok to forget these things. Forgetting does not make them less real. In truth their purpose in my life was served, they were there when I needed them and have moved on as did I. As I allow myself to forget I can clear that area around my heart, and make room. Room for the people in my life right now, the ones ready to share if I am willing to listen, the ones that are in fact today’s gifts.