Photos By Heather Powazek Champ

Be Generous

A Hug to Save a Life

It took all of one website and two phone calls for me to get involved in some volunteer work in my community for the upcoming Christmas month. I am not telling you this so you can help me polish off a Good Samaritan Award or offer me a pat on the back. I am sharing this because it feels really good to help, the thought of giving back to a city that without my meaning too, I have been taking parts of for years and offering very little in return. A city that without its knowing has managed to save my life. At my best and worst of days this city has provided me with the type of people who open doors for you, let you cut ahead of them in line, laugh with complete strangers and make small talk over sports teams and the always unpredictable weather.

These are the small fleeting moments that we all live for. These tiny excerpts of time and space that remind me of the reason I choose to take part in this in the first place, those momentary flashes of light, love and grace that are gone as quickly as they came. The reasons why happiness can bring on a tear, hugs can save a life and a smile can change my entire day. The moments that not only feed the depth of a starving soul, but the ones that remind me we are all internally connected, one and the same. As the layers are stripped away, the designer bags, the sports cars, the newest gadgets and the oldest thoughts we are all exactly the same. Searching for those simple moments, the amazing gifts of what will become our ten thousands joys in opposition of our ten thousand sorrows. The simple gifts that always seem to find me down and out, at my wits’ end and just in the nick of time.

So to anyone who has ever done something for a stranger out of the goodness of their heart, I express my undying gratitude to you. Not only have you encouraged me to offer the same, inspired me to be more kind, but you have also perhaps at some point, unbeknownst to you, completely made my day.

Be True

Photos By Jolene Davey

Playing with Fire

The events of my past week have left me with only one recognizable feeling, undesirable vulnerability. In the movies the weather always seems to mimic mood, proving once again that my life is nothing like the movies. Although my city was been recently covered with a crisp clean blanket of snow, the warm blanket of ignorant bliss I have had tightly wrapped around my heart has been yanked away. This has left me cold, vulnerable and as always a tad dramatic. Although despite my discomfort, the events of this past week have served their purpose in clearly displaying the truth. I was once again reminded just how very little I understand about life, and how even less I know about love. My heart has again been feeling one way, oblivious to my body who has been taking stern orders from my ever persistent and loud spoken ego. You know the one, that defensive part of me that is worried more about words spoken and unreadable tones then about warm feelings and fluttering stomachs.

So without my knowing I have once again done exactly what I have been trying so hard not to do. I had been searching for my strength, and recently felt as though I had finally got a firm grasp upon it. Once I could feel it there between my fingers I stepped out of the fire and I ran, focused only on the fact that I had my strength pressed strongly into the palm of my hand. It was just this week, when I finally had ran far enough away that that no one could possible find me or hurt me, that I allowed myself to look down for the first time between my white knuckles, only to realize that what I was holding was not what I was looking for at all. To my surprise I was holding neither my strength nor my courage; I was left here holding only my fears. The very thing I was running from in the first place. I now find myself looking back to where I have been, understanding that this is of course the only place I will ever truly find my strength. In the middle of that very fire, standing tall, self aware and unaffected by the inevitable and always present chaos that is life. Because true happiness is not finding a peaceful world where no one gets burned, it is learning how to find your own inner peace smack in the middle of it all.

So today, against my ego’s better judgement, I am walking again back into that fire. This time I am not quite so concerned with what it is I might run out holding in the palm of my hand, simply looking forward to what I might one day get to hold steadily in the warmth of my heart.

Be Aware

A Love Story of Self

I have been openly searching for love in my life. Though my intentions have been pure, I realise now that I still managed to somehow miss the mark. I had left out one of the most important parts of sending love, the extension of that expression onto self. I must show myself the same type of love, mercy, forgiveness and honour that I am working hard to bestow upon my world. I know I have spoken in regards to this before, but I am still working on this concept so bare with me. I worry often that I am not only my harshest critic, but at times also my own worst enemy. My family and friends wait for me with open arms and an endless supply of love. These people that I dearly respect don’t really care how many hours I work each week, how clean my apartment is or how much stuff I managed to cram into my Thursday afternoon. They gage my happiness on the depth in which my laughter resonates, the strength behind my hugs, and how lit up my face becomes with my weekly recount of events. So why am I still using these back breaking measures to value my success and happiness, raising my own bar for self accomplishment always just past the reach of my fingertips, then punishing myself for not having long enough arms.

How can I ever ask anyone to truly love me, all of me, even the unrealistic, unreasonable and seemingly unattractive parts of me, until I have learnt to love them about myself. Like most of you I spend the vast majority of my day around people. I see daily the harsh faces of guilt, resentment and fear take surface, meanwhile playing equal witness to the moments of pure brilliance, inspiration and courage that seem to flourish when most needed and least expected. I love all of these emotions equally because it is these raw feelings that remind me we are all the same, and it is within the unique expression of these emotions that I am reminded me we are special in our own right. With this dynamic quality of expression, change, self awareness and at times completely oblivious reactions that I am most love about people. The same qualities I have been working so hard to hide within myself. This is my reminder that is it in fact the small unrealistic and unreasonable things that make us who we are, and that this has always been the only thing that has ever caused anyone to fall in love. So it is today, in full awareness of all of my quirks and silly tendencies, that I am in this moment choosing to be deeply, unconditionally in love, with myself.

Photos By Joe Bonomo