Photos By Heather Powazek Champ

Be Generous

A Hug to Save a Life

It took all of one website and two phone calls for me to get involved in some volunteer work in my community for the upcoming Christmas month. I am not telling you this so you can help me polish off a Good Samaritan Award or offer me a pat on the back. I am sharing this because it feels really good to help, the thought of giving back to a city that without my meaning too, I have been taking parts of for years and offering very little in return. A city that without its knowing has managed to save my life. At my best and worst of days this city has provided me with the type of people who open doors for you, let you cut ahead of them in line, laugh with complete strangers and make small talk over sports teams and the always unpredictable weather.

These are the small fleeting moments that we all live for. These tiny excerpts of time and space that remind me of the reason I choose to take part in this in the first place, those momentary flashes of light, love and grace that are gone as quickly as they came. The reasons why happiness can bring on a tear, hugs can save a life and a smile can change my entire day. The moments that not only feed the depth of a starving soul, but the ones that remind me we are all internally connected, one and the same. As the layers are stripped away, the designer bags, the sports cars, the newest gadgets and the oldest thoughts we are all exactly the same. Searching for those simple moments, the amazing gifts of what will become our ten thousands joys in opposition of our ten thousand sorrows. The simple gifts that always seem to find me down and out, at my wits’ end and just in the nick of time.

So to anyone who has ever done something for a stranger out of the goodness of their heart, I express my undying gratitude to you. Not only have you encouraged me to offer the same, inspired me to be more kind, but you have also perhaps at some point, unbeknownst to you, completely made my day.

Be True

Photos By Jolene Davey

Playing with Fire

The events of my past week have left me with only one recognizable feeling, undesirable vulnerability. In the movies the weather always seems to mimic mood, proving once again that my life is nothing like the movies. Although my city was been recently covered with a crisp clean blanket of snow, the warm blanket of ignorant bliss I have had tightly wrapped around my heart has been yanked away. This has left me cold, vulnerable and as always a tad dramatic. Although despite my discomfort, the events of this past week have served their purpose in clearly displaying the truth. I was once again reminded just how very little I understand about life, and how even less I know about love. My heart has again been feeling one way, oblivious to my body who has been taking stern orders from my ever persistent and loud spoken ego. You know the one, that defensive part of me that is worried more about words spoken and unreadable tones then about warm feelings and fluttering stomachs.

So without my knowing I have once again done exactly what I have been trying so hard not to do. I had been searching for my strength, and recently felt as though I had finally got a firm grasp upon it. Once I could feel it there between my fingers I stepped out of the fire and I ran, focused only on the fact that I had my strength pressed strongly into the palm of my hand. It was just this week, when I finally had ran far enough away that that no one could possible find me or hurt me, that I allowed myself to look down for the first time between my white knuckles, only to realize that what I was holding was not what I was looking for at all. To my surprise I was holding neither my strength nor my courage; I was left here holding only my fears. The very thing I was running from in the first place. I now find myself looking back to where I have been, understanding that this is of course the only place I will ever truly find my strength. In the middle of that very fire, standing tall, self aware and unaffected by the inevitable and always present chaos that is life. Because true happiness is not finding a peaceful world where no one gets burned, it is learning how to find your own inner peace smack in the middle of it all.

So today, against my ego’s better judgement, I am walking again back into that fire. This time I am not quite so concerned with what it is I might run out holding in the palm of my hand, simply looking forward to what I might one day get to hold steadily in the warmth of my heart.

Be Aware

A Love Story of Self

I have been openly searching for love in my life. Though my intentions have been pure, I realise now that I still managed to somehow miss the mark. I had left out one of the most important parts of sending love, the extension of that expression onto self. I must show myself the same type of love, mercy, forgiveness and honour that I am working hard to bestow upon my world. I know I have spoken in regards to this before, but I am still working on this concept so bare with me. I worry often that I am not only my harshest critic, but at times also my own worst enemy. My family and friends wait for me with open arms and an endless supply of love. These people that I dearly respect don’t really care how many hours I work each week, how clean my apartment is or how much stuff I managed to cram into my Thursday afternoon. They gage my happiness on the depth in which my laughter resonates, the strength behind my hugs, and how lit up my face becomes with my weekly recount of events. So why am I still using these back breaking measures to value my success and happiness, raising my own bar for self accomplishment always just past the reach of my fingertips, then punishing myself for not having long enough arms.

How can I ever ask anyone to truly love me, all of me, even the unrealistic, unreasonable and seemingly unattractive parts of me, until I have learnt to love them about myself. Like most of you I spend the vast majority of my day around people. I see daily the harsh faces of guilt, resentment and fear take surface, meanwhile playing equal witness to the moments of pure brilliance, inspiration and courage that seem to flourish when most needed and least expected. I love all of these emotions equally because it is these raw feelings that remind me we are all the same, and it is within the unique expression of these emotions that I am reminded me we are special in our own right. With this dynamic quality of expression, change, self awareness and at times completely oblivious reactions that I am most love about people. The same qualities I have been working so hard to hide within myself. This is my reminder that is it in fact the small unrealistic and unreasonable things that make us who we are, and that this has always been the only thing that has ever caused anyone to fall in love. So it is today, in full awareness of all of my quirks and silly tendencies, that I am in this moment choosing to be deeply, unconditionally in love, with myself.

Photos By Joe Bonomo

Everything to Gain

Today I am a little lighter then yesterday. I let go of some of the weight that I have been carrying on my heart. I have been engulfed recently by the natural forces of the world and the global need to let go. This time of year is about that very thing, watching all that has been growing strongly take a required break and find respite within its own stillness by letting pass on what is no longer needed. I am seeing this everywhere, jobs shifting, relationships revaluated, people passing, priorities being set and the fat being trimmed. It is as though the world is taking a deep breath in preparing itself for the next season and a comfortable place to rest. I have to keep reminding myself to be open and accepting to this process, my genetic makeup leaves me wanting to clutch everything in the palm of my hand and wait out the storm. However this is not health, or the purpose of right now, what I really need to do is release my grip and move forward into the unknown.

I recently made a list of my priorities, in my attempt to hold onto only the things of great important to me. Allowing everything else I no longer need to contently fall by the wayside. In doing so, I found that my list of priorities was actually quite small, focused and clear. I was once told that you are supposed to visualize the things are cannot live without, I considered this and discovered that I really need very little in order to survive. If necessary I can live without my cell phone, computer, clothes and car and all my other material processions. This left me with only a roof over my head, some food in my belly, my family, friends and my sketch book as my only lifelines for survival. When I looked at this tiny list of necessary needs, I knew that all of these things will in fact always be mine. Now finding myself truly with nothing to lose, and everything to gain. It is this truth that offered me the courage to continue to achieve my dreams, find my inner power and muster up the strength to take that uncertain leap forward. With a pocket filled with nothing more than my possibility for greatness, today I am following the example set by the earth and allowing for the things no longer needed in my life to be released.

Be Gracious

Brand New

I am new again. I had been healing for so long that I no longer recognized my lack of health. Until recently able to identifying my happiness as my respite, moving forward from the constant battle of being pushed and pulled along the thin lines of stress and mental health, always concerned that this force might finally be the one that breaks me. This recent transition reminds me how easily days are encouraged to come and go and how effortlessly I can pack responsibilities and opportunities onto my plate without drowning in the overwhelming task of life. I see the ease in which I can make or break plans with friends, receive bad news, and lightly take on my day. Waking up every morning to me my unforced smile as the reflection in my mirror and once again having an appetite that matches my eyes. These are all the signs of my health, and I had forgotten how wonderful that felt.

As I walked through the other end of my healing I was reminded the same thing I have been told all along, only now I was ready to listen. Reminded that some days are going to be much harder than the others, and sometimes those hard days get strung all in a row. But after them, there will be good days. This I promise. Days so wonderful that they will let you forget the bad ones, giving you room to love again, stand up for yourself, let people into the depths of your soul, speak loudly and laugh fully, all in knowing the inevitability of eventually being hurt again, but yet believing it is still so worth it to try.

Because time really does heal all wounds, and life really does go on. That part of me is no longer vulnerable and I am once again able to dance easily along the line of balance, taking and leaving as I choose, no longer afraid of pain’s shadow or the spaces between it. Like always my health appeared just in time, when the amazing people who were supporting me now find themselves in a place of healing and in need of my love, support and tender words. With the divine order of the universe I find myself once again the strong shoulder to lean on, the one with their footing deep into the earth and the steadiness amongst the chaos. The same message they once told me, that there is in fact always light at the end of the tunnel, now comes out loud and clear, with true belief, trust, understanding and somehow in the sound of my own voice.

Be Free

Photos By Ellen Rogers

http://www.ellenrogers.co.uk/

Be Loved

Condition-Less Love

To me loving comes as naturally as exhaling. I share love when possible, show affection when needed, give gifts when appreciated, and extend hugs whenever necessary. In contrary it is accepting the same love that seems to comes for me with very little ease or natural tendencies. Similar to a kind compliment, I have become a master of dodging love like a targeted bullet. This is not a metal I am proud to wear. Somewhere along the way I have come to believe that the presence of love always guarantees a set of conditions, most likely because in the past it typically has. Regardless, this is a lie. A lie that up until now has kept my heart saturated in the belief that when I receive love from another I must also receive with that a hidden agenda. One filled with pay backs, collateral and a play book of their rules to encompass the love they are choosing to extend to me.

Like I said, that’s a lie. The truth is love should always be unconditional. Love looks not at flaws, issues, personality type or temperaments as anything more the entertainment for the journey and the flavour to an otherwise bland existence. Unconditional love gives room for darkness, imperfections and character flaws, knowing them as simply the-not-so silver lining to the truth. In accepting this condition-less love I am offering the genuineness of who I really am to anyone willing to share. It is only here that my unique heart can happily exist, where without effort unconditional love eliminates all judgement, preconceived notions and demands for change. This, like most things, is easier said than done. But like all things, not impossible. As I enter the next phase of my life, clear out the old and make room for the new, I know that the only kind of love for which I will choose to create space, is the rare kind that comes unconditional.

Be One of a Kind

Silently Inspired

I love art galleries. I am not an art critic by any means and cannot claim to know more than the average person with seeing eyes. Nonetheless I choose not to let that down play the way that art makes me feel, and its ability to both inspire and enthral me. My source of passion derives from an artist’s ability to convey an entire feeling captured in one clear moment in time. For someone who relies mostly on words and my ability to verbally articulate my feelings, I find myself completely engrossed by the idea of sharing with the world your views in utter silence. How could I ever manage to fit an entire feeling, story or belief within a snap shot, on a canvas or carved into a sculpture, hence my fascination.

Regardless I allow for this feeling, I make room for this moment of clarity though the expression of someone else and in doing so I offer myself the space to be changed. In the past I have searched for such types of inspiration, now I am reminded that to be inspired I need only one thing, room. Inspiration is the space where what I don’t already know finds the opportunity to meet with what I do know, a moulding of past experiences with present life, creating an entirely new concept that once again can become my own. Therefore my job is not to seek, because it is everywhere, the person in front of me on the subway, graffiti on a park bench or the lines of an old building all serve to inspire. My job is simply creating the space for the new, making a small area within myself that allows the things that may fear me, change me, shock me and soon enough embody me to come together and unite with the things that have already passed though that very course. It is this belief that leaves me standing in an art gallery in front of a beautiful piece of work, contiously making openness my single effort to be inspired.

Be Present

Photos By Jaime Ibarra

Pursuing Happiness

In the past I have often mistaken happiness for ease. When in truth they are very different. I believe it is easy to be unhappy if I choose; happiness on the other hand must be pursued. I must consciously choose to have happiness present in my life, I have to muster up the courage to walk away, reconstruct, and reconfigure myself into that very happiness. This is not a onetime act, this is a constant evolving road with many stop offs and very few visible signs. Most of the time I have ended up following in someone else’s footsteps in hopes that they are on the right track to happiness and I can somehow just hitch a ride. The remarkable part about happiness is that it rarely looks the same for two people. Not to say it never does, because it is those few people who happen to share the same definition that I choose to hold close, knowing they are in fact my company to share that with.

For the most part however my definition of happiness is just that, mine. So this road has been most successfully taken on my own, lined with my personal goals and desires in mind. Once I was able to conjure up a visual, a feeling or a word for that happiness, I was able to turn an abstract hope into some tangible concept to chase after. It is this pursuit that reminds me I am alive, that reminds me I woke up today to achieve something more than paying this month’s rent, finding the perfect pair of fall boots or surviving another work week. It reminds me of my big picture, the one that I want to spend a lifetime sitting back and looking at with the contentment of an accomplished artist knowing despite its perceived imperfections it is simply both perfect and mine.

Be Open

Global Lesson

I have spent a lot of my life thinking about the things I one day want. I have spent very little time placing the things I want today into my hands. Until now, now I understand that what I do not acquire today I cannot fairly ask to possess tomorrow. Tomorrow is simply a direct result of today. Did I love enough today, show enough pride, fight enough fears or be true enough to myself in order to merit any of those tomorrow? I can create myself one day at a time. However I cannot expect to be courageous tomorrow if I cower today. So today I choose courage. Today I will be sure to hold my head high, be fearless and be aware. In hope that tonight I can go to sleep knowing that I will be that much closer to finding my inner courage in the morning. I have come to understand that the first steps in becoming are found within my ability to make myself, and therefore the world believe.

That being said, today I aim to make the world believe I am a writer, that I am talented, and that I am no longer afraid. Today I am ready to be heard. So I ask you out there in Bloggerland reading this for whatever your reason may be, what lesson would you like to teach the world about yourself today? I promise you that someone somewhere is listening to you too.

Photos By Joseph Szymanski

Working Progress

This particular entry is titled working progress because that is exactly what it has been, spending the past month sitting on my desktop in a constant stage of editing. I have not posted it until now because I never felt like it was quite done, what I realized is that this particular piece of writing will never fully be done. Which happens to be the entire point, for me this part of my life will continue to remain just that, a working progress.

I feel empowered when I consider the title of my blog, A Time to Soar. I want to share with you what those few simple words strung together truly mean to me. I have repeatedly heard myself use the analogy to either sink or swim. Most likely because that is exactly how the past few years of my life have felt, drastically fighting against the grain of who I am and who I wish to be, reminding myself that I can either chose to sink or to swim. I kept choosing to swim, to move my body just enough, inhale when needed and push a little harder in order to somehow manage to keep afloat. As time past my body grew tired of simply staying alive, surviving quietly under the radar, wadding in an ocean of fear and self doubt, resulting in my search for more. I wanted to succeed, and within my success to be able to consider myself both brave and strong. This for me is what comes after swimming, this for me is that point in my life when I decided it was finally time to lift out of the water and to allow myself to sore. So with a new set of wings I am entering my world fully immersed, responsible for my actions, no longer afraid of what others may think, leaving it all on the table and hopefully being able to inspire a few others along the way.

Be Yourself

Loosening the Grip

For me change is most often found saturated in fear, even though I am clearly aware of its inevitability. Yet somehow it still manages to frighten me and leave me dead in my tracks. What is the root of this fear? It is as though I am afraid the leaves will not one day turn back green after they have dried up and fallen to the ground. Fearful that I will somehow forget what they looked like or how they smelled, and while I live in this fear of change I meanwhile forget to see the snow, the white blanket over the world, the smell of purity and the brisk air on my skin. I forget right up until the time in which it begins to melt away, then find myself both longing for what has been and afraid of what might come.

A friend once told me that you never truly step backwards, because even when you are stepping backwards you are still stepping forward. He was right. Therefore change is always a step forward. No matter how it’s outer layers may look it is always stepping into the new season, whether is a season of cold, of hot, of new growth or of necessary death it always comes in the right order, just where it belongs. Making change not only anticipated but also well received. I am learning to hold tightly onto this concept, and loosen my grip on what has been. Through this I know change is in fact the only sign that enough time has passed and that I am now finally ready to know, be or awaken something new.

Photos by Steve Gullick

http://www.gullickphoto.com/

A Pack-Rat of People

I consider myself a pack-rat, not when it comes to my house or my things, but in fact when it comes to people. I am a keeper of people, I never let them simply be someone I knew once when I was six and we played games and watched full house together. No I choose to make them all people I know, worry about, think about, and I bring up every now and again. Whether it be out of love, out of respect, out or jealousy or out of fear, I keep them there, close to my heart, affecting me, reminding me of exactly where I have been and what I have done, good or bad. This has caused me to constantly compare who I am right now to these ever present memories of who I have been.

I recently started to better understand the relationships in my life. Understanding both the divinity and intricacy of everyone who surrounds me. What I discovered in that they are all gifts. Every single one of them. A hard headed boss, a cheating boyfriend, an untrustworthy friend are as much my gifts as my beautiful mother, my goddaughter and my best friend. They are doing exactly what I need. They are teaching me, challenging me, loving me, trusting me and pushing me to a place I never thought I could go. And it is through that connection, that divine order in time that we share stories, make memories, exchange messages and go on. In the past this is where I get confused, I get the message, the memory and I hear the stories, but I forget to let go.

I fear that by letting go of these people I am also letting go a part of me. I know that I cannot hold onto memories forever, I will not always remember how something smelled, or tasted, the way someone’s face looked or hands felt. I have to be reminded that it is ok to forget these things. Forgetting does not make them less real. In truth their purpose in my life was served, they were there when I needed them and have moved on as did I. As I allow myself to forget I can clear that area around my heart, and make room. Room for the people in my life right now, the ones ready to share if I am willing to listen, the ones that are in fact today’s gifts.

Gratitude for all the People I Have Known

As I learn to let go of all the amazing people I have known in my past, I want to express my undying gratitude and unconditional love for you.

To everyone I have ever let under my surface, you know exactly who you are. If you are reading this I understand it is because you still honor me as much as I honor you. I am fully grateful for your presence in my life, no matter why or how I met you, you mattered to me. I am forever thankful for your lessons, your words, your laughter and your tears. They came exactly when I needed them and gave me room to share with you my own. Your presence in my life has helped me get here and for that I will always be grateful. However it is time now for me to be absorbed in my present, know that if our paths ever cross again I will love you every bit as much as I always have, and accept you once again with open arms in knowing that you are once again sharing a part of your journey with me.

“ I know you are strong, may your journey be long, and I wish you the best of luck” - Messages by Xavier Rudd

Be Strong

Emotional Derivatives

I was once told that there are only two real emotions we are capable of feeling. Love and fear. All other emotions are simply a derivative stemming from these. At first it seems impossible, but the more I consider it the more I recognize its truth. That is the reason both of those words, love and fear, will be a constant in this blog. Both are the source of all of my worries, joys, happiness and self doubt. It is inevitably that by choosing to share with you who I am these emotions will be busting out of every word I choose to articulate my personal attempt to understand.

I ask you the same thing I ask myself. Not to judge. My emotions are what they are, I do not justify them, argue them, defend them or try and convince others to join me in them. All I do is write about them, acknowledge them and honour them. All I can offer is myself, and who I am in this moment. I encourage your impute and your comments, especially if they are coming from an equal place. With that said I welcome you in. I welcome you to share with me the love that I feel, the fears I process and all of the other emotional derivatives that go with it.

Photos By Metin Demiralay