Brand New

I am new again. I had been healing for so long that I no longer recognized my lack of health. Until recently able to identifying my happiness as my respite, moving forward from the constant battle of being pushed and pulled along the thin lines of stress and mental health, always concerned that this force might finally be the one that breaks me. This recent transition reminds me how easily days are encouraged to come and go and how effortlessly I can pack responsibilities and opportunities onto my plate without drowning in the overwhelming task of life. I see the ease in which I can make or break plans with friends, receive bad news, and lightly take on my day. Waking up every morning to me my unforced smile as the reflection in my mirror and once again having an appetite that matches my eyes. These are all the signs of my health, and I had forgotten how wonderful that felt.

As I walked through the other end of my healing I was reminded the same thing I have been told all along, only now I was ready to listen. Reminded that some days are going to be much harder than the others, and sometimes those hard days get strung all in a row. But after them, there will be good days. This I promise. Days so wonderful that they will let you forget the bad ones, giving you room to love again, stand up for yourself, let people into the depths of your soul, speak loudly and laugh fully, all in knowing the inevitability of eventually being hurt again, but yet believing it is still so worth it to try.

Because time really does heal all wounds, and life really does go on. That part of me is no longer vulnerable and I am once again able to dance easily along the line of balance, taking and leaving as I choose, no longer afraid of pain’s shadow or the spaces between it. Like always my health appeared just in time, when the amazing people who were supporting me now find themselves in a place of healing and in need of my love, support and tender words. With the divine order of the universe I find myself once again the strong shoulder to lean on, the one with their footing deep into the earth and the steadiness amongst the chaos. The same message they once told me, that there is in fact always light at the end of the tunnel, now comes out loud and clear, with true belief, trust, understanding and somehow in the sound of my own voice.