A Love Story of Self

I have been openly searching for love in my life. Though my intentions have been pure, I realise now that I still managed to somehow miss the mark. I had left out one of the most important parts of sending love, the extension of that expression onto self. I must show myself the same type of love, mercy, forgiveness and honour that I am working hard to bestow upon my world. I know I have spoken in regards to this before, but I am still working on this concept so bare with me. I worry often that I am not only my harshest critic, but at times also my own worst enemy. My family and friends wait for me with open arms and an endless supply of love. These people that I dearly respect don’t really care how many hours I work each week, how clean my apartment is or how much stuff I managed to cram into my Thursday afternoon. They gage my happiness on the depth in which my laughter resonates, the strength behind my hugs, and how lit up my face becomes with my weekly recount of events. So why am I still using these back breaking measures to value my success and happiness, raising my own bar for self accomplishment always just past the reach of my fingertips, then punishing myself for not having long enough arms.

How can I ever ask anyone to truly love me, all of me, even the unrealistic, unreasonable and seemingly unattractive parts of me, until I have learnt to love them about myself. Like most of you I spend the vast majority of my day around people. I see daily the harsh faces of guilt, resentment and fear take surface, meanwhile playing equal witness to the moments of pure brilliance, inspiration and courage that seem to flourish when most needed and least expected. I love all of these emotions equally because it is these raw feelings that remind me we are all the same, and it is within the unique expression of these emotions that I am reminded me we are special in our own right. With this dynamic quality of expression, change, self awareness and at times completely oblivious reactions that I am most love about people. The same qualities I have been working so hard to hide within myself. This is my reminder that is it in fact the small unrealistic and unreasonable things that make us who we are, and that this has always been the only thing that has ever caused anyone to fall in love. So it is today, in full awareness of all of my quirks and silly tendencies, that I am in this moment choosing to be deeply, unconditionally in love, with myself.